Madonna. In her 60s. Probably with a subscription to the AARP magazine. The current adored and worshipful love of her life — maybe temporarily — is Ahlamalik Williams. He’s 26 and probably roller skates to the store for his copies of Bop Magazine and Teen Vogue. This nice boy’s parents are younger than she is, three years older than her daughter, and is also a dancer so no jokes about the many moves he can make.
Anyway, between their rompers, news is she’s co-writing — with Oscar winner Diablo Cody — a biopic of her life. Madge herself will direct it. She, however, won’t star in it. Alec Baldwin’s newest infant, his fifth baby with his second wife, might play Ahlamalik.
The one that got away
A Michael Fuchs Galerie in Berlin holds a video of four character types outlined by Greek philosopher Galen, a VIP I have never met personally. On it, for some reason, Cate Blanchett blanches in “Sanguine,” “Choleric,” “Melancholic” and “Phlegmatic” for 3 ¹/₂ minutes. And for some reason I don’t understand, makes faces. And utters “I love you, I don’t love you.” There is an app called Acute Art, a way to experience and collect this “augmented reality.” I now know why I never interviewed Greek philosopher Galen.
Fools on parade
Like everything else that won’t — Thanksgiving’s traditional 2 ¹/₂-mile oom-pah down Central Park West won’t. Floats will attach to a few vehicles. Each balloon’s 80 to 100 handlers will watch it on TV like everyone else. Santa’s scheduled to schlep up at the end, unless he and Mrs. Claus blow the temperature checks.
There’s BS about a third in line maybe for our presidency. I, Madam Adams, will educate you. The precedent semi-exists.
March 1849, on a Sunday at noon President Polk’s term expired and he did not seek re-election. George Dallas (a city got named for him) was out as VP. When President-elect Zachary Taylor refused to be sworn in on Sunday, the Lord’s Day, we were without a leader for that day. Our third in line was Missouri Sen. David Rice Atchison. Folklore holds that Atchison succeeded to the presidency for this day, but who’s to say for sure. I wasn’t there. Bio: Born, Frogtown, Ky. Educated, Transylvania U. Tiny “unofficial” Presidential Library in wherever-thehell’s Atchison, Kan. His Plattsburg, Mo., statue bears the legend “President of the US for one day.”
This “one-day 12th president” liked to say it was “the honestest administration this country ever had.”
Pre-CV, we burbled too many lawyers, now not enough. Everyone’s suing. Divorce, custody, wills, mortgages, evictions, disputes, reorganizations, dismissals, bankruptcies, promissory notes, loan modifications, bank problems, collections unreturned, loans, businesses facing foreclosure, money not returned, raises canceled, contractors not showing up, promises not kept, work not done, lousy relatives, repossessing property with other attorneys defending millions of homeowners etc.
But NY Republicans, take heart. After Mr. & Mrs. de Blasio’s cutting-edge leadership and AOC’s BS sticking to us like merde, fear not. Following the Goldwater-for-President debacle, NYC elected Republican Mayor John Lindsay, Republican Mayor Giuliani, Republican (then) Mayor Bloomberg. So, remember that motto of House Stark on “Game of Thrones”: “Winter is coming.”
East Sider Dr. Marc Lazare on a dentist purifying his office: Custom sneeze guards to prevent transmissions. Appointments staggered, no waiting. Each room sanitized for the next patient. Masks, face shields, surgical gowns, head covers and disposables adopted. Activated by light, air purification and photoelectrochemical oxidation filters installed to purify released air into the atmosphere.
Suction system for removal of silver-mercury fillings. Multiple touch-free Purell dispensers. Arrivals pre-screened, temperature taken, squirted with antibacterials. Patients receiving his cell number for emergency concerns.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.
The History Of The Flash’s Cosmic Treadmill
The Flash time travels and visits parallel worlds seemingly on a daily basis, but he couldn’t do it properly without utilizing the Cosmic Treadmill.
Over the years, The Flash has become synonymous with everything that is fast in the DC Universe. Whether the speedster in the suit is the original Earth-2 Flash, Jay Garrick, the second and most well known Flash, Barry Allen, or the fan-favorite and former Kid Flash, Wally West, all three have utilized a contraption called the Cosmic Treadmill to accomplish their never-ending superhero goals with varying results.
But what is this Cosmic Treadmill, and how exactly did it come about? Is it an extreme version of a cardio machine built for the Speed Force enabled or something that can change the very fabric of space, time, and reality as these characters know it? Either way, it’s an indispensable tool that has changed each version of the Scarlet Speedster for the better, but also at times, for the worse.
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Established way back in 1961 in The Flash #125, the Cosmic Treadmill came about when Barry decided that he needed a safer and more reliable way to travel through time and visit parallel Earths after his accidental first trip into the past almost ended in disaster. Built by Barry upon returning to the present, the treadmill was powered by cosmic rays that used radioactive pulses to either send the user into the past or the future depending on what was inputted into the programmable interface, and also allowed easier travel to alternate Earths by matching the vibrational frequency of the Earth in question. Once locked in, the speedster need only to reach a certain speed on the treadmill, which then shot them into the time stream or parallel Earth it was configured to, allowing Barry and friends to bypass the often unpredictable and dangerous way of time traveling via running at warp speed on foot. When arriving at their destination, the exact vibrational frequency of that time period or Earth would need to be internally maintained throughout, because once those vibrations were relaxed, the trip comes to an end and Flash is returned home.
Being one of the most important aspects of The Flash’s background as well as one of the most consistently used devices in his stories, the Cosmic Treadmill has been used in any number of different scenarios, one in particular that brought Flash to the 25th Century where he first meets his arch-nemesis, Eobard Thawne, aka the Reverse-Flash, inadvertently opening up a whole can of worms that still plagues him to this day. Not only has Thawne exploited the treadmill to carry out his long list of super villainous schemes over the years, but he’s also usually the impetus for Barry or any other Flash currently occupying the suit to use the treadmill in order to rectify the exponential damage Thawne constantly causes from his perch in the distant future, a problem that gets even worse when Thawne eventually finds a just as reliable way to travel through time without the treadmill by simply running with his own two feet. Keeping up with villains getting their hands on something that by all intents and purposes should be under constant lock and key, the Cosmic Treadmill also wound up giving birth to another iconic Flash villain in Hunter Zolomon, aka Zoom. After Wally West’s version of the character refused to tamper with the time stream to help change Zoom’s past, Zoom took it upon himself to break into The Flash Museum where the treadmill was kept and since he had no clue as to what he was doing, badly botched his attempt at using it, resulting in an explosion that created a villain that Flash needs to defeat on a near-constant basis.
And while the Flash Family almost exclusively uses the treadmill for their own means, they aren’t the only ones that can utilize its power. Since its inception, others who possess speed powers similar to The Flash, like Justice Leaguer Superman, or the aforementioned villain, Reverse-Flash, have all used the treadmill for various reasons both for the greater good and the selfishly evil. From being featured in the classic storyline Crisis on Infinite Earths to the Batman paired crossover and Doomsday Clock prelude, The Button, to more recent arcs where villains like the friend turned foe Godspeed and the over-powered Paradox have used the treadmill for their own nefarious purposes, the Cosmic Treadmill has always been a constant element of The Flash’s mythology that keeps the treadmill front and center in fans’ minds, waiting to be utilized when the right time comes.
The Cosmic Treadmill is one of the most unique machines ever built in the DC Universe that not only holds ties to the greatest Flash stories of all time but is also integral to the history of the Fastest Man Alive. And even though Barry Allen is The Flash that invented the treadmill as well as the one who uses it the most, he’s far from the last person who will take advantage of a device that can change literally anything and everything in the blink of an eye.
Next: Flash & His Speedster Villains Unite Against Paradox
Venom’s First Host Wasn’t Spider-Man, It Was Deadpool
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Barry Jenkins to Direct ‘The Lion King’ Sequel, Marking His Hollywood Studio Debut
Jon Favreau’s 2019 “Lion King” remake made $1.6 billion worldwide, making a sequel a no-brainer.
Barry Jenkins has signed on to direct the sequel to Disney’s 2019 remake of “The Lion King.” The hiring gives Jenkins, an Oscar winner for “Moonlight” and the beloved indie filmmaker behind “Medicine for Melancholy” and “If Beale Street Could Talk,” his first major Hollywood studio tentpole. Deadline first reported the news, which was confirmed by Jenkins on his social media accounts. Jeff Nathanson, who scripted the 2019 remake, is returning for the sequel and has already turned in a treatment.
“Helping my sister raise two young boys during the ’90s, I grew up with these characters,” Jenkins said in a statement. “Having the opportunity to work with Disney on expanding this magnificent tale of friendship, love and legacy while furthering my work chronicling the lives and souls of folk within the African diaspora is a dream come true.”
No release date for Jenkins’ “Lion King” sequel has been announced. The 2019 remake was directed by Jon Favreau and grossed $1.6 billion worldwide, making the development of a sequel a no-brainer for Disney. Favreau utilized a groundbreaking virtual reality production and relied on photorealistic VFX to bring “The Lion King” to life. Jenkins is expected to do the same.
“The Lion King” was nominated for the Best Visual Effects Oscar but lost to “1917.” The voice cast included Donald Glover as Simba, Beyonce as Nala, Seth Rogen as Pumbaa, Billy Eichner as Timon, and John Oliver as Zazu, among others.
While plot specifics for Jenkins’ “Lion King” sequel are remaining under wraps, Deadline reports “the story will further explore the mythology of the characters, including Mufasa’s origin story. Moving the story forward while looking back conjures memories of ‘The Godfather: Part II,’ set on the African plain with a continuation of the tradition of music that was a key part of the 1994 animated classic.”
“The Lion King” sequel joins Jenkins’ growing list of projects, which includes directing an Alvin Ailey drama for Disney-owned Searchlight and scripting an adaption of the Netflix documentary “Virunga.” The filmmaker recently wrapped production on his Amazon limited series “The Underground Railroad,” which will be his first release since “Beale Street.”
‘The Lion King’ Sequel Set With ‘Moonlight’ Director Barry Jenkins To Helm For Walt Disney Studios https://t.co/Ev7Obi8Km8 via @Deadline
— Barry Jenkins (@BarryJenkins) September 29, 2020
‘Alaskan Bush People’ Episode 6: ‘A Bottle for Your Thoughts’ (RECAP)
On Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People episode, “A Bottle for Your Thoughts” (September 27), Bear overnights in the wild and Bird makes Gabe an unusual gift.
What kooky stuff are the Alaskan Bush People up to this week?
— Alaskan Bush People (@AlaskanBushPPL) September 26, 2020
Awwww! Such a cute publicity stunt!
Bear hasn’t had the opportunity to see his six-month-old son River until now because of COVID-19 and not at all because he and Raiv3n were locked in a bitter legal battle and a thermonuclear online feud. And Raiv3n traveled all the way to Bushington on her own dime just so Bear could meet their son because she’s a kind and thoughtful person and not because she was compensated by Alaskan Bush People producers for this feel-good photo shoot. And since the show unexpectedly acknowledged River’s existence (more on that in the recap), I have no doubt that Park Slope captured footage of this for Season 13ish.
Back in reality, the court case continues and Bear is reportedly not holding up his parental responsibilities. The court is still waiting for Bear to file the necessary financial documents so Raiv3n can start getting that child support for the next 18 years.
It’s entirely possible that Bear has no financial statements to submit. Bear hasn’t officially worked a day in his life. Bear is dependent on Billy, who doles out whatever funds he sees fit. It’s probably wise that Bear has no assets. He’d just piss his whole net worth away on NERF guns and awful tattoos.
Anyway, this maudlin stuff with Bear’s kid might be just enough for some people to forget that Matt was just accused of sexual assault and the cause of the Palmer Fire has yet to be revealed.
On to the recap of “A Bottle for Your Thoughts,” or whatever the hell that was I just watched.
Noah keeps important documents in a fire safe, which in hindsight turned out to be an excellent idea because, you know, the fire and all. But what vital records does Noah keep in the safe?
The safe holds books about insects and how to produce your own power. There’s also a Certificate of Ministry from the Universal Life Church Monastery. These are available for free online to anyone who can fill out their name and email address in an internet form.
It’s the dead of winter on Brown Star Ranch, so it’s the perfect time to do all those important projects that coulda/shoulda been done while it was nice outside.
Matriarch Ami and Patriarch Billy need their patriarchal and matriarchal cabin built, and it’s up his kids to pretend to build it for a few takes during that day’s show production.
It’s wall-raisin’ time, and the Brown kids manage to stand the frame up. It’s just a tad uneven with the edge of the foundation, so they start beating one side of the wall with a hammer to shimmy it over a tad.
When he’s not lobbying against shimmying, Noah is busy with his latest Bush innovation. He wants to attach a snow plow blade to his tractor because displacing the snow with the tractor’s shovel is about as tedious as watching this show. Noah thinks it might be a moneymaking opportunity.
When they were kids growing up in the Bush, the Browns had no need for actual currency, so they made up their own: bottle caps. So Birdy could pay Noah something like 10 bottle caps to plow the road to her house. It’s unexplained if different beverage brands had different valuations, like if a Mellow Yellow bottle cap was worth more than a Mountain Dew cap. This is something I might want to explore further after I have run out of all other things to do in life.
Noah, She Who Will Not Be Named and son Elijah go to Rory’s junkyard in search of a wedge-shaped piece of metal that might work as a plow attachment. Junkyard guy Rick has a conex shipping container that’s been cut in half, and that will probably do the trick.
Nah, Rick. It really wouldn’t. We don’t get to see Noah cut or weld anything. There’s just a scene of Noah operating the tractor while She Who Will Not Be Named tries to help him guide Tab A into Slot B (sexy!) to attach the “mad plow” blade. Noah then plows some of the road. Like most of Noah’s inventions, they only have to work properly for a few seconds on camera.
Another subplot involves Bear heading out into the woods in an attempt to clear out his already very vacuous mind. He is troubled by how things went with Raiv3n. He drowns his sorrows in a nice big snowball doused with an entire packet of hot cocoa mix (with marshmallows!)
Then he tells us what else is weighing on him.
Oh. I honestly didn’t think this show was going to go there. None of what happened with Raiv3n aligned with Patriarch Billy’s wholesome, God-fearing Bush family fantasy. I figured this would be kept offscreen as to avoid alienating the Bible-thumping audience segment that lights candles and holds daily vigils for characters on the worst show on TV. Perhaps this extramarital fornication will make more of them turn off the show. (Please, please, please let it make them turn off the show!)
Bear and Raiv3n’s brief romance was a total debacle, but they “at least did something right.”
What thing was that, exactly? The unprotected intercourse thing? Yeah, you did that right. Congratulations.
Bear talks nonsense about fatherhood and hoping his kid looks up to him the way he looks up to Father Billy. Yeah, Billy’s an awesome dad, especially to those two daughters he abandoned along with his first wife.
Back at the cabin construction site, another wall is about to go up. It seems that everybody but Gabe and Bam had something better to do, so propping up this wall is going to be a two-man job.
Bam was tired of playing the villain, always pointing out his brothers’ and sisters’ incompetence. Bam has chilled out a bit, and now he’s letting others embrace their stupidity.
Among the Browns, Gabe is the best at embracing stupidity.
When they realize the wall is too heavy for the two of them to lift, Gabe concocts some harebrained plan involving pulleys, a tree and their truck.
Bam is still about respecting the danger, but he’s now also about respecting the ideas for creative solutions that his brother presents. Bam goes along with this plan. And the result is:
A busted wall. Gabe expects Bam to go ballistic, but Bam is uncharacteristically laid-back about it. Some lumber, some labor and some screen time were wasted, but it’s all right with Bam. The real construction crew can handle this tomorrow.
We’ve saved the worst subplot for last. Birdy is finding new uses for dead rats: cozy footwear!
Yet the Browns have wasted the most precious resource of all: their time on this Earth. Birdy gets busy slicing and peeling the hide off of rats so she can turn them into slippers.
Disturbing indeed. A producer asks Birdy if she’s OK in the head.
Yes, this is gross and weird, but it’s all made up for the show. Birdy’s really diving into her expanded crazy cat lady role this season. Noah’s dialed back a lot of his ghoulish stuff, so it’s Birdy’s job to pick up the slack. She’s doing it with gusto.
Once clean, the rat hides must be properly tanned. To achieve this, Rainy conditions the skins with a solution consisting partly of rat brains.
Ah, yes. Birdy is pioneering a new branch of Bush neuroscience. She’s seeking a grant to study the effects of handling rodent brains on human cognition. Perhaps some endowment fund could throw a few million bottle caps in Birdy’s direction.
Time to reveal the finished product:
Now THIS is where style meets comfort! They remind me of the gopher slippers that Mr. Burns wore on The Simpsons:
Gabe is not so keen on sticking his feet into rats, and he fears for his sister’s mental well-being.
In the interstitial segment, Noah pays Birdy a visit. He’s not there for disease-ridden rat slippers, but to collect what is owed him for services rendered.
This is the dark underbelly of the Bush bottle cap economy that the American public rarely sees.
Flush with cash, it’s time for Noah to hit the casino. The Brown kids gather in the barn for poker night. They’re using bottle caps for chips, of course. Bear returns from his solitary retreat just in time for the card game and for everyone to gush about what a great dad he’s going to be. I wouldn’t bet on it.
Billy’s now too lazy to organize his spiel into complete sentences. He’s just going to throw out his favorite words and hope that we’re dumb enough to believe they matter to him.
There are only two more episodes left this season. They’re going to be brutal, but I know that through faith, family and God, we’ll through them.
Alaskan Bush People, Sundays, 8/7c, Discovery Channel
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