For months, South Park fans have wondered how the Comedy Central staple would tackle the current state of the world. After Wednesday’s pandemic special, they finally have their answer — and it’s horrifying.
Naturally, everyone in South Park takes a slightly different approach to the pandemic. Randy sees it as a business opportunity, proudly calling a summit in the town square to announce that Tegridy Farms is having a “pandemic special,” a 10 percent-off extravaganza. “People are dying, Randy, and all you can think is to make a special about it?” asks voice-of-reason Sharon. But Randy remains confident in his latest venture, and it isn’t long before he’s rubbing his success in his family’s face.
That is, until a news report confirms that scientists have pinpointed the origin of the coronavirus to a specific bat in a “seedy part” of Wuhan. The news stops Randy dead in his tracks, as he suddenly recalls having unprotected sex with a bat during his trip to Wuhan. It was during one of his all-night benders with Mickey Mouse, who reminded Randy that a bat is basically just a mouse with wings.
It’s a serious wake-up call for Randy, who previously referred to COVID-19 as “some dirty virus from China” and downplayed his brother-in-law’s diagnosis because “Jimbo’s a fat alcoholic who would be in the hospital anyway.” Randy is desperate to hide the truth from his wife because, as he points out, “If she finds out I started the pandemic, she’s going to be a total bitch about it.”
Randy is briefly relieved when follow-up tests reveal that the bat is not connected to the pandemic, but a whole new panic sets in when he learns the real creature responsible. It’s a actually a pangolin, and you guessed it — Randy suddenly remembers that he and Mickey had sex with one of those, too.
He immediately attempts to cover his tracks, infiltrating the containment lab by posing as a “pandemic specialist.” (By his logic, he’s not lying!) After setting his one-time lover free, Randy thinks he’s in the clear, until Mickey threatens to expose him to the world. Thinking quickly, Randy buys himself some time by testing a new theory: If he can get his DNA into COVID-19 patients, he could vaccinate them without them anyone learning the truth. So he does just that by depositing his specimen (ugh) into a Tegridy joint and delivering it to Jimbo. And wouldn’t you know, it works!
So Randy gets down to business, filling his massive supply of weed with his own personal seed. (Grossest rhyme ever.) But while this “special” strain of weed does briefly eliminate symptoms of COVID-19, it comes with an unexpected side effect: a Randy-style mustache! Pretty soon, every stoner in town is rocking his signature ‘stache, forcing Dr. Anthony Fauci to encourage all Americans to start wearing their “face diaper” over their mouth “where the mustache would be.” (Ironically, this is what gets everyone to start wearing their masks correctly.)
Meanwhile, the children of South Park must readjust to life back in the classroom. They’re all a little hesitant, but no one is more opposed to the return of in-person learning than Cartman, who opens the special with a full-blown musical number about the unbridled pleasures of social distancing. The portly troublemaker, who angrily concludes that “Cartman’s life doesn’t matter,” is determined to make things very uncomfortable for his classmates.
Then again, things at South Park Elementary School are already a mess, what with most of the teachers being replaced by police officers. As Detective Harris explains, they force has been defunded “due to events beyond our control” and wants to re-establish itself as a leader of the community. Cartman takes advantage of the police presence, starting a fight that leads to Token getting shot. After dismissing the shooting as a “COVID-related” injury, the cops force the entire school into lockdown.
The boys make a desperate plea to President Garrison, who only takes their call because they misrepresent themselves as Mr. Slave. (Aww!) They beg him to return to South Park and stop the pandemic, to which he asks, “Why would I do that? I made a promise to the American people to get rid of all the Mexicans.” When the boys remind POTUS that it isn’t only killing Mexicans, he replies, “Well, it’s killing a lot of them. I was doing a crap job until this pandemic happened. I’m going to actively not do anything, and you can eat s–t off my balls and die.”
Stans’ attention then turns to a downtrodden Butters; in an attempt to life his spirits, the boys book him an appointment at Build-a-Bear and help him break out out of quarantine. At this point, the townspeople have been whipped into a looting frenzy (doesn’t take much, huh?) until they’re at each other’s throats in the streets. The police claim they can’t get involved because they’ve been defunded, so the mayor signs an executive order to re-fund them. Once again, it takes only a few minutes for them to start shooting innocent children.
Just when the madness reaches its apex, Randy decides to come clean, bringing the pangolin out for everyone to see. But Cartman moves surprisingly quickly, snatching the creature and dangling it over the Build-a-Bear machine. (As if it hasn’t been through enough already!) One of Stan’s classic speeches inspires a change of heart within Cartman, so he hands the pangolin over to the scientists, ensuring a vaccine can be made.
Sadly, the pangolin — and the scientist holding it — is then burned alive by President Garrison, who pops into the frame to remind everyone, “Don’t forget to get out and vote, everybody! Big election coming up!” Yikes.
Was South Park‘s quarantine special everything you hoped it would be? Grade it below, then drop a comment with your full review.
Ultimate way to explore the Whitsundays • Our Globetrotters
The Whitsundays is home to 74 tropical islands, pristine beaches and thousands of different marine animals in the waters of the Great Barrier Reef National Marine Park. Located halfway down the coast of Queensland, Australia’s tropical state, this island paradise is almost too good to be true.
This is a guest post by Emily Brett
Most of the islands are national parks with a few hosting exclusive or family-focused resorts. Turquoise waters, palm trees and coral reefs with warm temperatures year-round make the Whitsundays an ideal location to relax, indulge or dive into nature-based activates. It’s no surprise that this part of the world is perfect for families.
Unlike many other tropical resort destinations around the globe, there are not hordes of tourists filling the beaches or plastic bags floating past when you take a closer look. The Whitsundays are pristine. As most Globetrotters would know, it’s rare to find a family holiday location so accessible and untouched.
How to Explore the Whitsundays
There are many tour operators offering ways to experience the Whitsundays, primarily based our of Airlie Beach. When we get asked the best way to see them as a family, our answer is always the same… Charter a yacht so you can sail around the islands at your own pace and experience this stunning landscape away from the day-trip crowds.
In this post, we’ll share what you need to know about a family sailing holiday through the Whitsundays, some known and some lesser-known spots amongst the islands and our favourite activities to do with the kids.
Why a yacht charter is the ultimate family escape
When you travel with kids, no matter what age, you need to choose a mode of travel that simplifies things. If you have too many location changes, too many activities and too much packing and unpacking, your holiday becomes about managing logistics and moods as opposed to relaxing into the experience.
Many families will tell you, it’s easier to plan a holiday around a “home” base. Having a home base makes routine and finding personal space easier and there are fewer dynamics to manage.
Your yacht becomes your private floating hotel as well as your mode of transport. You can choose if you want to stay at an anchorage for a few nights, taking the dingy ashore to explore, hike and laze on the sand or you can move around as much as possible experiencing the different landscapes and resorts on the island.
Sailing is a nature-based experience. Away from screens and even other people, it’s hard to imagine a better family bonding experience than being on a yacht. Life becomes simplified, you tune into the natural world around you and out of the modern world distractions. Your kids might groan at the thought of not having mobile reception, but they will shine after a day or two!
Things to know about hiring a yacht in the Whitsundays for a family holiday
The Whitsundays is one of the safest sailing grounds in the world. It is also the only place in the world that doesn’t require charterers to have a licence or any sailing qualifications.
Self-sailing a hired yacht is often referred to as bareboating. This means you take out a fully equipped boat on your own, just like you would if you hired a camper van.
You don’t need to know how to sail, however, it does help if at least one crew member has some basic boating knowledge. All yacht charter companies operating in the Whitsundays will give you a training session before you take out your boat. If you lack confidence, you can add a guide to join your crew for a chosen amount of time.
It’s recommended that you charter a yacht for 7 nights. Considering the first and second day are all about checking in and checking out, a 7-night booking gives you 5 nights to fully immerse yourself in the experience.
Many families may wonder about the safety of younger children on a sailing holiday. While it is reasonable to be concerned for kid’s safety on a yacht, there are several simple precautions to you take to ensure the little ones are safe. This post on safety for sailing with kids will give you practical tips for all ages.
Activities for the family to enjoy on a charter around the Whitsundays
There are many fringing reefs around the Whitsundays Islands with a range of soft and hard corals to explore. Sea Turtles frequent the islands so you’re very likely to find yourself snorkelling alongside one of these local legends. Underwater sculptures have recently been installed around the Islands, these huge submerged artworks will eventually merge with the corals, becoming a part of the reef’s ecosystem.
While you don’t have to put the sails up, if you have prior sailing experience or even look at doing a sailing course before your bareboat charter, the whole family can be involved in getting your boat underway. Sailing is a great way to bond and achieve something together. Pre-teens and teenagers particularly enjoy sailing because they are given responsibility and an opportunity to take charge. It’s a good idea to throw in a proper pair of sailing shoes to keep your grip on the decks.
The Whitsundays are a fishing mecca, game fishing, trolling and fishing around the fringing reefs are popular with day-trippers as well as people on charters. Be sure to check out fishing guidelines and zoning for protected areas before you throw a line in.
A local tip if you’re keen on fishing: When you charter with Whitsunday Rent a Yacht, you have exclusive access to their private Jetty in Shute Harbour. This location just so happens to be a fishing hotspot in the Whitsundays. If you book a sleep aboard you can spend the night before your charter on your boat and fish into the night. There are so many fish in this area, you will even hear them splashing around as you go to sleep!
Take a scenic flight to the outer Great Barrier Reef
Air Whitsundays offer an amazing service where they can pick you up off the back of your charter boat on a seaplane and take you out for a scenic flight or day or snorkelling on the outer Great Barrier Reef. Talk about a bucket list experience!
Every year between June and September Humpback whales migrate north to have their babies in the warm waters of the Whitsunday Islands. If you’re lucky enough to book your charter holiday at this time of year, you will be able to view whales from your private boat throughout the islands. It’s truly an awe-inspiring time to sail the Whitsundays, however fair warning, it’s also a busy time on the water as many tourists are wanting to experience getting up close to these gentle giants.
Camping on the Islands
Hook Island and Whitsunday Island have great bush camping facilities. If you have some adventurous teenagers in your crew, you could anchor in one of the bays and send them ashore with a tent and camping gear while you stay on the boat. Give them some radios so they can call out to say goodnight.
Kid-friendly attractions in the Whitsundays not to miss
A visit to the Whitsundays would not be complete without a day on the world-famous Whitehaven Beach. Frequently voted one of the best beaches in the world, Whitehaven is a 7km stretch of the silkiest white sand you will ever set foot on. Whitehaven can get very busy with day tours. If you are on your private yacht, you have the advantage of being able to visit the beach early in the morning or later in the day before the crowds.
It’s possible to berth your charter yacht at the Hamilton Island marina for $125 a night. This fee will give you access to all of the islands resorts facilities including their three pools, beaches, hiking trails and of course the restaurants, bars and shops. Hamilton Island is a great stop off for the kids, there is 10 pin bowling, golf and the nature park where they can get up close to a koala.
Hill Inlet Lookout Hike
Moore your boat at Tongue Bay or Whitehaven and take the walking tracks up to the Insta famous Hill Intel Lookout. If you time your hike with the low tide you will be able to see swirling patterns made by the white sands and turquoise water of the shallow inlet. It can get busy up here, but the view is worth it. Also, the hike from Tongue Bay is not too tough for the kids, just take water.
A local favourite is stopping for a day at Chalkies. Opposite Whitehaven, Chalkies Beach has the same white sand and perfect swimming conditions as Whitehaven, but without the crowds. Chalkies is also a great snorkelling spot and turtles are frequently sighted off the beach.
Nara Inlet and the Ngaro Artwork
On Hook Island, you will find one of the most protected anchorages in the Whitsundays, Nara Inlet. If you go deep into Nara Inlet you will also be able to take a short walk to see one of the most fascinating attractions in the Whitsundays Islands – artwork from the Ngaro people painted over 9000 years ago.
Longford Island Sandspit
Langford Island Sandspit is incredibly unique and a great place to head to if you want to enjoy a day of relaxing, sunbaking and snorkelling right off a stunning sandy beach. You can pick up a public mooring buoy for the day but you will need to spend the night anchored safely at Stonehaven Bay.
Daydream Island Resort Living Reef
Daydream Island has recently had a huge makeover and it’s Living Reef is back and better than ever. A massive 200m aquarium viewing window will give the kids access to a thriving underwater ecosystem full of stingrays, starfish, fish and bright corals. There is also an information centre where they can learn all about the Reef. Daydream welcomes day visitors or bareboat charterers wishing to use hire a berth at their marina.
When you embark on an adventure through the Whitsundays, you are sure to find a pristine environment to take your breath away and adventurist activities to keep the younger family members happy. But more importantly, you will be sending quality time together with lots of fun sprinkled throughout.
With thanks to Emily for sharing this stunning corner of the world with Our Globetrotters.
If you are heading to Queensland with kids you may also want to read:
About the Guest Blogger Emily
We are a family of four who lives in Shute Harbour, a tranquil pocket just 10 minutes from Airlie Beach – the gateway to the Whitsundays. The one thing we love more than exploring the Whitsunday Islands is sharing them with our friends. We believe we live in one of the best places on earth and that every Australian or visitor should enjoy this national treasure. Our family-run business is Whitsunday Rent a Yacht
Follow their family adventures on Facebook | Instagram
Interested in guest blogging for the Globetrotters blog? Come and see our opportunities page
Disclosures: This page contains affiliate links that may earn us a small commission if you purchase anything through them at no extra cost to you. We thank you for supporting our website. Our full disclosure policy can be found here.
Ronaldinho positive for COVID-19 as Brazilian films message for fans on condition
Former Barcelona star Ronaldinho has revealed he has tested positive for coronavirus in a video posted on his Instagram.
The 40-year-old is currently asymptomatic and he is now in self-isolation in the Brazilian city of Belo Horizonte after arriving there on Saturday.
In his Instagram video, Ronaldinho said: “I’ve been here in Belo Horizonte since yesterday, I came to participate in an event.
“I took the test and tested positive for Covid. I’m fine, asymptomatic, but we’ll have to leave the event for later. Soon we will be there together. Big hug!”
Earlier this year, Ronaldinho and his brother Roberto Assis ended up imprisoned in Paraguay after they entered the country using fake passports.
After spending 32 days in jail, they were moved to a hotel to serve house arrest and the pair was ultimately released in August.
Speaking while under house arrest, Ronaldinho said: “We were totally surprised to learn that the documents were not legal.
“Since then our intention has been to collaborate with the justice system to clarify the facts.
“From that moment until today, we have explained everything and facilitated everything that has been requested of us.
“It was a tough blow, I never imagined that I would go through such a situation. All my life I have sought to reach the highest professional level and bring joy to people with my football.
“The first thing [I will do when I get back to Brazil] will be to give a big kiss to my mother who has lived through these difficult days since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic in her home.
“Then it will be to absorb the impact that this situation has generated and move forward with faith and strength.”
Former Barcelona winger Gerard Deulofeu recently picked Ronaldinho as the best footballer in history, saying: “For me, Ronaldinho is the best player ever.
“I met him. I went to watch a game at the Camp Nou and he was sitting next to me. It was a wonderful experience.”
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Prince William and Kate Middleton are looking for a housekeeper at Kensington Palace
Prince William and Kate Middleton have put up an advert looking for a new housekeeper to join their team at Kensington Palace.
The advert, which appeared on the royal vacancies website, stressed the importance of their new team member’s ability to ‘maintain confidentiality and exercise discretion’.
The role will be based at The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s royal residence in West London and is described as an ‘exciting opportunity’.
The successful applicant may also be expected to travel with the family when necessary.
The job listing does not state how much you would be paid but it does say they will need to ‘be able to manage a varied workload, show initiative, and be content to work flexibly’.
Successful applicants must showcase their previous experience in similar roles and be willing to act proactively, even taking on the roles of the Senior Housekeeper in their absence.
The advert says; “This is an exciting opportunity to join a supportive and positive team.
“You will be a self-starter who also enjoys working collaboratively.
“You will be keen to take on new challenges as these arise and develop your own knowledge and skills.”
Applications on The Royal Household careers website have to be in by November 7
Do you have what it takes? ?
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